The NPC Dialogue Walk Epidemic: When Storytelling Feels Like a Traffic Jam September 15, 2025

You know that feeling. You’re deep into a gripping conversation with an NPC, hanging on every word of crucial plot exposition, when suddenly you’re forced to lumber forward at the speed of molasses while they casually stroll ahead. It’s like being stuck behind someone who stops to read every single sign at the grocery store – except this time, the fate of the digital world might hang in the balance.

I’ve always wondered which games are the worst offenders when it comes to painfully slow dialogue walks. So I did what any reasonable person would do: I grabbed a stopwatch, fired up some of the most notorious culprits, and timed exactly how sluggish these walking conversations really are.

Why Do Games Force Us Into This Misery?

Before diving into my completely scientific (and slightly obsessive) research, let’s address the elephant in the room. Why do developers seemingly go out of their way to make dialogue walks feel like you’re trudging through digital quicksand?

The most common explanation is pacing. Developers want to ensure you hear every word of that carefully crafted dialogue without missing crucial story beats. Fair enough, but here’s the thing – most games have subtitles, and players aren’t exactly sprinting through Shakespeare here.

Some argue it’s for immersion, creating a more natural walking pace that matches real-world conversation. But last I checked, real people don’t move like they’re perpetually walking through invisible fog.

The Methodology Behind My Madness

I selected five games notorious for their dialogue walking sequences and measured the time it takes to cover a standard distance during these conversations. For consistency, I measured movement over a 50-meter distance (using in-game measurement tools where available, and estimation where not).

Here are the contenders that made my list of shame:

Red Dead Redemption 2 – Because apparently, even outlaws in the Wild West believed in leisurely philosophical strolls.

The Last of Us Part 2 – Post-apocalyptic survivors have all the time in the world, apparently.

God of War (2018) – Even Norse gods can’t escape the curse of slow dialogue walks.

Mass Effect: Legendary Edition – Commander Shepard saves the galaxy… eventually.

Assassin’s Creed Valhalla – Vikings were known for many things, but speed-walking during conversations wasn’t one of them.

The Results That Will Make You Weep

After countless hours of digital trudging (my poor controller’s analog stick may never recover), here are the painfully slow results:

Red Dead Redemption 2: The Crown Champion of Slowness

Average time to cover 50 meters during dialogue: 2 minutes and 47 seconds

Arthur Morgan moves like he’s carrying the weight of the entire gang on his shoulders during story conversations. At this pace, you could probably walk to your actual kitchen, make a sandwich, and return before Arthur finishes crossing a single street. The game’s dedication to “realism” means every conversation feels like it’s happening underwater.

The Last of Us Part II: Post-Apocalyptic Snail’s Pace

Average time to cover 50 meters during dialogue: 2 minutes and 23 seconds

Ellie and her companions treat every dialogue walk like they’re navigating through a minefield of emotional trauma. Which, to be fair, they kind of are. But still, infected creatures aren’t exactly known for their patience.

God of War (2018): Divine Sluggishness

Average time to cover 50 meters during dialogue: 2 minutes and 15 seconds

Kratos and Atreus’s bonding walks through the Norse wilderness are beautiful, touching, and slower than continental drift. You’d think a god of war would have some urgency, but apparently, character development takes precedence over actually reaching destinations.

Mass Effect: Legendary Edition: Galactic Turtle Speed

Average time to cover 50 meters during dialogue: 1 minute and 58 seconds

Commander Shepard might be humanity’s last hope, but they walk like they’re taking a leisurely stroll through the park rather than racing to prevent galactic annihilation. At least the Normandy has elevators to break up the monotony.

Assassin’s Creed Valhalla: Viking Vacation Pace

Average time to cover 50 meters during dialogue: 1 minute and 45 seconds

Surprisingly, Eivor moves with slightly more urgency than the other contenders, though “urgency” is relative when you’re still moving slower than most people walk to the bathroom.

The Human Cost of Slow Dialogue Walks

Let’s put these numbers into perspective. During a typical playthrough of Red Dead Redemption 2, you might spend roughly 4-5 hours just… walking… and… talking… slowly. That’s enough time to watch two movies, learn a new skill, or question your life choices that led you to timing video game walking speeds.

The psychological impact is real. I found myself unconsciously pushing harder on the analog stick, as if somehow my controller input could telepathically convince Arthur Morgan to pick up the pace. It doesn’t work, by the way. I tried.

When Slow Actually Works (Rarely)

To be somewhat fair to these games, there are moments when the glacial pace actually enhances the experience. Red Dead Redemption 2’s slow walks through Saint Denis feel appropriate for the period setting. God of War’s father-son moments are genuinely touching, even if they test your patience.

But here’s the kicker – these games could easily implement a system where players can choose their walking speed during dialogue sequences. Some modern titles have started doing this, and it’s a game-changer. Revolutionary concept, I know.

The Worst Offenders in Each Category

Most Unnecessarily Slow

Winner: Red Dead Redemption 2
Arthur Morgan treats every conversation like he’s escorting a glass of water across a tightrope.

Most Frustrating in Context

Winner: The Last of Us Part II
When infected monsters are literally everywhere, maybe pick up the pace during your heart-to-hearts?

Most Likely to Make You Check Your Phone

Winner: God of War (2018)
Beautiful scenery can’t save you from the urge to browse social media while Kratos contemplates his feelings.

The Industry’s Response (Or Lack Thereof)

Game developers have largely ignored player complaints about slow dialogue walks. Some newer titles have introduced variable walking speeds, but many AAA games still cling to the “one speed fits all conversations” philosophy.

The frustration is so universal that it’s spawned countless memes, forum complaints, and at least one person (me) timing these sequences with scientific precision. Yet somehow, the message hasn’t quite reached the development studios.

A Simple Solution That Nobody Uses

Here’s a wild idea: give players a “dialogue walking speed” option in the settings menu. Revolutionary, right? Players who want the full cinematic experience can choose turtle mode, while those of us with functioning attention spans can opt for normal human walking speed.

Some games have implemented this feature, and guess what? The world didn’t end. Players didn’t miss crucial dialogue. The immersion police didn’t arrest anyone.

The Verdict on Gaming’s Slowest Walks

After conducting this thoroughly unscientific but emotionally satisfying research, Red Dead Redemption 2 takes the crown as the game that most efficiently tests your patience during dialogue sequences. At nearly three minutes to cover 50 meters, it’s less “walking and talking” and more “existing in slow motion while sounds happen.”

The irony isn’t lost on me that I spent several days measuring how slowly video game characters walk, essentially turning myself into a digital version of the very thing I was complaining about. But hey, at least I can run to the kitchen during Arthur Morgan’s contemplative strolls now that I know exactly how much time I have.

If you’re a game developer reading this, please, for the love of all that is holy in gaming, give us variable dialogue walking speeds. Our sanity depends on it. And if you’re a fellow gamer who has also felt the pain of glacial story walks, know that you’re not alone in your suffering.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go walk to the store. At normal human speed. Because apparently, I’ve forgotten what that feels like.

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