The Coolest Final Fantasy Protagonists Ranked By How Much They’d Play Final Fantasy
Every Final Fantasy super nerd has seen the meme where the Final Fantasy protagonists sit down in front of the consoles their games were released on, ancient controllers in hand, as they then get to play through their own game. Honestly, there’s still nothing more delightful than the thought of the stoic look on Cloud or Squall’s face as they pick up a PlayStation 1 controller and are forced to play through the infamous squat or cross-dressing scene in Final Fantasy VII.
But which of the franchise’s protagonists would be a Final Fantasy super nerd in their own right? Who would spend eight plus hours in front of the TV, spamming the square button until their eyes are bloodshot with a half-eaten pizza at their side and a bottle of soda on the coffee table?
#1: Noctis Lucis Caelum
Was there ever any doubt that this perpetually lazy sweet tooth would be our number one gamer boy? Before the events of Final Fantasy XV, which led this little princeling out into the wider world, the implication is very much that he spent his downtime hanging out and playing games with his best friend Prompto. With his penchant for junk food and his initial reluctance to step into the role that the kingdom requires, it seems fitting that Noctis would clock endless hours grinding out levels by murdering monsters over the rampant fields of Duscae.
Beyond his base personality, Noctis comes from a technologically advanced civilisation in which a games console, along with the Final Fantasy title, wouldn’t be hard for him to comprehend at all. He would have no trouble locking himself in his room like a real hikikomori to cycle through the titles one by one and speedrun things like the Final Fantasy XIII bosses. If Prompto’s down as well, it’s guaranteed that if left to their own devices, the boys would emerge only to hiss at sunlight and replenish their ever-depleting stores of soda.
Thank goodness they have Ignis to set them on the straight and narrow, or, if harsh words in a marvellously British accent won’t work, then he can always bribe them out with the intoxicating aroma of a brand new ‘recipeh’.
#2: Tidus
The dude literally plays games for a living. Granted, what Tidus does in the Blitzball sphere is more jock than shut-in gamer but we can fully see Tidus committing to filling his head with sawdust in the form of long stints playing Final Fantasy XIV with a bunch of randos.
#It is too bad that he probably won’t be able to entice his adopted brother, Wakka, to join him, considering Wakka is very much hyper-focused on the idea of: ‘Machina is bad! Bad, bad, bad!’ But it would surprise no one, somehow, if Lulu decided to join him in an act of betrayal to take down Tiamat or Diablos in several badass hits that would leave the guy’s jaw on the floor.
In terms of playing his own game, we’re not sure that Tidus would bite so much, mostly because of the way the game dangles the concept of his father over his head for most of its run time, but then he would get to see Yuna in a new, PlayStation 2 ultra-pixelated light so who knows? One thing is for sure, though: if Tidus did get to play through Final Fantasy X, we’d all have to hide the food to avoid a smear of buttery popcorn across the screen and a booing shriek every time Seymour appears on screen.
#3: Zidane Tribal
Unlike Noctis, Zidane comes from a medieval-themed world where technology is basically non-existent until you get to the remains of Terra. Giving Zidane the entire Final Fantasy franchise along with the consoles to play all the titles would be like giving a monkey a hammer, but if Zidane did manage to get the hang of a few of them, you can bet that he’d play them to their beloved, overheated demise.
A dramatist at heart, we can see Zidane being well and truly enraptured by his budding love story with Garnet, as well as cooing over every remark regarding an existential crisis that Vivi makes. He would cheer his own hyper-pixelated character on for daring to rescue Kuja, and this same treatment would be given to all the other protagonists in their respective stories.
Of course, with Zidane’s more lecherous characteristics, the cheers would be louder for Terra or Lightning, though in Lightning’s case, he’d need to watch himself, because she would 100% unleash Odin the minute she could to mow him down and teach him a lesson!
#4: The Onion Knight
The Onion Knight is smol and smart. Being smol and smart means that one is more likely to get a kick out of the flashing lights and AAA immersive gameplay, as well as the deeply compelling stories that the Final Fantasy franchise can usually boast.
While we believe the Onion Knight would get fed up with his own game quite quickly, simply because it’s a traditional sort of fantasy romp, we also think that, with his inquisitive nature, he would have a lot of fun trying to comprehend the technological showcase of games like Final Fantasy XV and Final Fantasy VII. He would also get a kick out of getting stuck into the puzzle sections of Final Fantasy X’s Cloister of Trials and the various mercenary jobs that need to be completed for Final Fantasy XIII.
Final Fantasy III is about budding friendship and overcoming the odds presented when those friends have their own issues to work through, so a bonding experience like a game session with his friends would be immensely beneficial for this hard-working kiddo. Of course, we do hope that he wouldn’t feel inclined to invite the Cloud of Darkness to this bonding session, as she is more likely to chuck the console and controller into the Void should things not immediately go her way.
#5: Bartz Klauser
Did we put Bartz at this spot because he is the protagonist of Final Fantasy V? We actually didn’t! Bartz is here because, although he shares Tidus and Zidane’s enthusiastic spirit, he’s more of an outdoors adventurer. Bartz would probably be roaming around those varied and gorgeous Final Fantasy maps, falling off cliffs, or walking his pet Chocobo, Boko, more than we’d find him inside playing a Final Fantasy instalment, though it’s certainly an option for those rainy days.
With his free spirit, we think that it would be the open world exploration of Final Fantasy XV that would really draw him in, and watching him drive Noctis’ prized Regalia would be the hilarious cherry atop the cake of disaster. In true go with the flow fashion, however, we doubt that Bartz would be disheartened for a moment if he crashed the Regalia, or failed to comprehend any of the other technological advancements on display in XV.
As for his own game, he’d probably quite enjoy it for the most part, especially the nuances of the job system allowing him to switch between classes and skill sets.
#6: Vaan
Final Fantasy XII’s Vaan is in much the same boat as Bartz in that he’s a bit of a busy bee, running around Rabanastre trying to make bank so he can eat some food, however, with his experience getting rid of rats, Vaan would probably enjoy showing off some of his skills in the various errands that need to be run in games like Final Fantasy VII Remake or Final Fantasy XV.
With his dream of becoming a sky pirate, he’d thoroughly enjoy exploring Final Fantasy’s many worlds via the airships that populate the series, potentially taking note of the designs for his own vessel if he ever managed to achieve his goals. Vaan provides a point of contention for the Final Fantasy community, with some fans believing that Balthier should have been the star of the game, and indeed, Vaan’s contribution to the plot of Final Fantasy XII is loose, so perhaps if he was released from status of protagonist, he would have a lot more time to game.
Vaan would probably be most at home playing Final Fantasy IX, considering the similar backgrounds of both himself and Zidane, and perhaps watching Zidane’s pivotal performance in the lives of his friends, Vaan would be able to figure out how to be more impactful in the lives of his own companions.
#7: Squall Leonhart
Being both antisocial and a student, you can bet that Squall has spent many an afternoon in his room polishing his gunbl-I mean…playing Final Fantasy games, though he hits mid on this list because he’s not really a big story guy and would probably be more at home playing something like Dark Souls or Bloodborne. With his duties as Garden leader taking him away from the controller as well, it would be hard for him to put in for that gaming grind, and whenever he did find the time to log on, it would be to get immediately distracted by a round of Triple Triad.
Squall would probably get a kick out of Final Fantasy VII’s darker world, though Cloud’s memory loss at the beginning of the story could serve to be a rather potent trigger for poor Squall. You can bet that Zidane or Bartz would be incredibly excited to show off their respective games, and would end up bickering over whose is the best until Squall ends up breaking them up.
Then, of course, he would tell them in the matter-of-fact acerbic way that he tends to, that his own game is the best anyway, which would result in both Bartz and Zidane tackling the idiot into his own gunblade case.
#8: Cloud Strife
A sassy mercenary though he may be, Cloud is surprisingly up for most things in his own game, so sitting down to play some rounds of one of the Final Fantasies wouldn’t be too far out there for the guy, especially after running around Sector 7 all day doing odd jobs. These guys have got to unwind somehow, right? And there’s only so much pinball a man can play!
Much like Squall, however, it would probably be difficult for him to really carve out the time. The guy has a lot on his plate in Midgar, pun intended, and the constant element of danger provided by the authorities means that he can’t really afford to lower his guard. If he did manage to play some, though, he’d probably appreciate some time on one of the more traditional Final Fantasy instalments to offer a sense of escapism from his own dystopian world.
Games like Final Fantasy IX, V, and III might appeal to Squall a lot more than games like Final Fantasy VIII or XIII, though Cloud might find a sense of catharsis in watching Lightning defy her circumstances in Final Fantasy XIII. What we would probably all get a kick out of, besides watching Cloud’s reaction to seeing himself in the getup for the Don Corneo story line in his own game, is seeing how he reacts to the Hypello in FFX saying: ‘Imposhibibble! Imposhibibble!’ We bet there would be a lot of awestruck blinking, and truly, that would be a Kodak moment in the making.
#9: Lightning Farron
Probably not really a gamer herself, Lightning would be dragged into it by Hope or maybe Serah if push came to shove. Irony dictates that she would be incredibly skilled at whatever she put her mind to, be it the convoluted card game of Final Fantasy IX or the bouts of underwater sports in Final Fantasy X. We can see her being sucked into some of the stories in spite of herself, perhaps relating to Terra in Final Fantasy VI and the idea that she cannot go against a greater power, like a puppet, considering Lightning’s own forced connection to the fal’Cie.
The biggest boon to playing these games, of course, would be making Hope or Serah happy. As much as Lightning likes to peg herself as a loner, she very much has a soft spot in her soul for her people, and making sure they’re content leaves her with her own sense of wellbeing in return. Showing off her abilities would make her a prime target every time her favorite people got stuck on the games they wanted to play, however, and that might rekindle her more prickly nature after a while, if they’re not careful.
#10: Terra Bradford
Much like Lightning, Terra would be all about pleasing her people by sitting down to play games with them. Unlike Lightning, however, Terra would probably struggle to get on with the Final Fantasy series in particular, simply because of the focus it has on magic. In her own game, a particularly potent magic user, Terra, is exploited, used as a weapon of destruction by Kefka.
Indeed, Final Fantasy IX’s Vivi could provide a real trigger situation for her as he is built for destruction in much the same way though Lulu of Final Fantasy X would probably be quite a reassuring role-model for Terra, as she is a dark magic user but one with a strong sense of identity in her own right.
If Terra could get around her aversions, though, she would probably love the explorative side of the series, hanging around the Chocobos and talking with the Moogles. Plus, there are titles that are a little more ambiguous with how they let their characters operate, like Final Fantasy XIII’s paradigm-shifting system that allows the characters to shift their abilities and share the magical burdens.
#11: Cecil Harvey
Cecil sits towards the bottom of the list because he’d be too busy arguing with himself over which of the Final Fantasy games is the best. While his dark side would probably prefer his own game, his light side would be eager to acknowledge the technological and narrative leaps of the others.
The constant back and forth aside, though, in a story like Cecil’s, where he is constantly under pressure to stop the king of Baron from attacking various allied countries, he really doesn’t have time for something like silly games. It would be like watching one of the Queen’s guards at Buckingham Palace with a Nintendo Switch in hand.
Cecil’s friends would, of course, make a point of dragging him away from his stressful obligations for some downtime but even then, rather than play Final Fantasy, Cecil would probably be the sort of person to go out with a friend to a coffee shop or read a book by some sort of picturesque fireplace. And wouldn’t that picture just be made perfect with a cup of hot cocoa…or black coffee if Cecil’s dark side has the last word.
#12: Firion
Poor Firion takes the bottom spot, the least super nerdy of our protagonists, not really through choice either. With three siblings, he’d be hard pressed to get enough time with a console to really bond with a lengthy game like the Final Fantasy instalments, and then any time he did have would be eaten by the whole Wild Rose Rebellion thing.
In his own story, Firion becomes one of the key warriors for the Rebellion, eventually fighting the Emperor in Pandemonium to save the world, which is a lot! Perhaps even more pressure than Cecil faces in his own game, with The Emperor being more actively aggressive in his movements across the landscape of Final Fantasy II.
If Firion were to get some time with a console where Maria and Leon weren’t wrestling him for dominance, Firion would probably enjoy the freedom of Bartz’s adventure or the open world aspect of Final Fantasy XV, which would grant him the sense of freedom he undoubtedly lacks. As much as he adores his siblings, there is a lot to be said for having a damn minute, after all, and if anyone deserves it, it’s our frazzled Final Fantasy II protagonist.
Rise and Grind Gamers!
Inevitably, all of our favorite Final Fantasy characters would engage with the Final Fantasy franchise in some way or another, some more willingly than others, sure, and some, Mr Noctis Lucis Caelum, to horrible if not hilarious excess. Our favorite protagonists are such an eclectic bunch, so imagining their reactions to the more ridiculous aspects of Final Fantasy is a joy that really highlights the versatility of the series as a whole.
But does this list line up with your own views on who would be the ultimate Final Fantasy super nerd? Are there things that we haven’t picked up on that would completely change the game? And yes, that was another pun intended moment. Thank you for coming to our Final Fantasy TED talk.
